Thursday, September 6, 2007

"The Look"

Okay... so Nate picks me up after work and we decide to go out to dinner last night. We walk into the restaurant and immediately the hostess gives me this once over look, pout on her lips and brows pushed together and says, "Oh sweetie, would a booth or table be more comfortable for you?" I sigh and say it doesn't matter. Let me tell you, the walk to the table is like a walk of shame, everyone is looking at you thinking, I am glad I'm not 9 months pregnant. After we sit down, our waitress comes over to take our drink order, again, same pouty look and "Oh honey, how much longer do you have? Is this your first?" I tell her my due date is on Sunday and she proceeds to talk about how absolutely miserable she was during 3 pregnancies, and the last few weeks for her were awful... blah blah blah.

After dinner, Nate and I go to the grocery store, we are walking the aisles and this lady stops us giving me the once over look and with the same look on her face, "Oh, looks like you are stocking up on food, huh? Must be any day now for you, I am sure you are so tired. Is this your first? Etc..." When Nate and I get to the other aisle, he asks me if I knew this woman because she was so open and friendly, I told him I had never seen her in my life. We get in line to checkout at Safeway and the checkout lady gives me the same look yet again, and says "Oh, you are almost done right? You poor thing. How far apart are your contractions?" I just look at her wondering what in the world does she expect me to say? Oh, they are 3-5 minutes apart, but I just decided to come and browse Safeway for the evening?!?! She ends the conversation asking if this is my first child (Why does everyone ask that? Do I look that young?) and telling me I should get help taking my groceries to the car, I then give her look like have you completely ignored that my husband is with me? She yells "Good Luck" with the look of you are going to need it as we are walking away.

So, about 50% of people tell me, "Wow, you don't look 9 months pregnant, you look great!" Even though I am measuring 3cm small now, I still feel like a house. The other 50% of people give me that look as if I am about ready to pop in front of them and they start their sentences with "Oh, sweetie or honey."

I am convinced of a theory that exists between brides and 9 month pregnant women. On her wedding day, you have to tell a bride how beautiful she looks, it's like an unwritten rule. No matter if her dress is not your taste, or her hair looks like a rats nest or her eye liner makes her look like a raccoon, you have to hug her and say you look beautiful! Same with pregnant women, you can't say oh you look fat or I'm glad I'm not you! So, you tell her she looks like she is 5 or 6 month pregnant even though she looks like she will give birth at any moment now.

Moral of the story: Next time you see a 9 month pregnant women out in public, either give her a nice warm smile and nod your head or just avoid eye contact all together. Trust me, it will make her day!

I think I will be staying inside behind locked doors until we make the trip to the hospital.


Anonymous said...

You crack me up, I see the way people look at you these days and you are so right. All the women think "oh you poor thing" and all the men think "oh your poor thing with the big boobs." Hang in there honey. I love you. Mom

Anonymous said...

Yep, you cracked me up too. But thanks for the heads up. I think I'll try the "avoiding eye contact" tactic if I ever pass a "9 month pregnant" woman again. Your story also further convinces me to stick with my plan of adopting a 17.5 year old. Thanks buddy! Lova ya, Melissa

Suzanne Nuanez said...

Hi Jessica - Your Aunt Suzanne here. Well, I remember my due date with Colter came... and then went, and no baby. He was due in early May and so feeling rather dismayed not to have any baby ON THE DAY, after nine months of anticpation, I decided to sit outside in the sun and relax. Well, bad idea....I got SOOOOO sunburned and then when I did go into labor 3 days later, I looked like a red lobster delivering a baby pig! Every square inch of me was sunburned and so when Charlie tried to massage me to help ease the labor pains, it was miserable. So the poor guy left, to go eat a roast beef sandwich, WITH ONIONS! Another BAD idea. So sunburn, onions, overdue arrival....we were pretty comical! It worked out and we finally did deliver a strapping baby boy! GOOD LUCK! Love to you and Nate and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Anonymous said...

Good gravy -

Well honey, - you should just respond to them by saying "what are you talking about - I'm not pregnant" and see how they respond!!
Happy dialating!!
Lib :-)

Dianthe said...

Thanks for writing this.